One day....

There is a point in everyone's life when we ask ourselves why actually we've chosen a certain field as our careers. And trust me, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence!

"I should have...; if only...; that went wrong...; ugh....; I don't wanna talk about that...." are the words people keep ready in their mouths waiting for the right trigger to spat them out. I was having a few such occasions when I was ready  to whine how the patients are undisciplined, how the hospital doesn't have enough resources, how the doctors just don't care enough, how the paramedical staff is lazy. And the list goes on.
Of course it came way early for me as compared.
Whatever!

So....today...me...appointed as the Emergency Medical Officer (due to lack of working MO's) ..was at the Casualty the entire day starting from 9 in the morning till 8 at night. You've heard about places where time stands still rite?.....well....I lived it!

When I came home I just had one word to describe it..."Nasha!"

Man....getting back the pulse of a patient with Cardiogenic shock following an infarction is such an achievement!
4 Patients with Rat poison ingestion....and the way they stabilize...huh! For a day I felt so alive...and time flew..I don't know how. My brain was so concentrated on each of the patient that no other thought even mingled in the darkest corner of my messed up brain!

There I was..among people dying and people crying...giving both of them hope ..of whatever is left with me.
I always thought I cannot work under pressure but I was so wrong.

I can..I sure can Bitch!
It's been 2 months that I 've started my internship and have been polishing my 'physician skills' consulting patients. Won't say burning my ass in the OPD chairs was a mistake coz those 2 months gave me good friends and once again told me how good I can teach (ahem ahem =D )

Well, with everyone gone and finished up with their work...this was an excellent individual start I could have ever have had!

Here we go again

After days of resisting myself from getting annoyed at things or let's call it...unavailability of resources here, I feel fractured enough already, and I'm reluctant enough to deform it any further!

So ..here we go.

One fine morning, after a few patients at the orthopedics dept., one patient came back with my prescription saying a certain drug isn't available at the hospital store. It was Diclofenac.
For those of you who don't know, it's a pain killer, most commonly prescribed and not to forget, the cheapest!

There I was thinking of replacing it with something on the hospital drug list...and I thought...Why isn't THIS available. I mean every doctor prescribes it to every other patient.
Fine. Peace with it.

A few minutes later one more patient returned saying the 'bandages' aren't available for a POP cast!
Alright. That was the end of my patience.

A patient comes to me. Broken. I prescribe him a pain killer and a POP cast along with other things. But isn't this the basic thing expected?? I mean....they don't have medicines, they don't have bandages, so how m I supposed to heal? With my smile? or with the "magical touch" of my hands?!!
Okay...at least then, for once, explain....Why are we asked to sit there and examine patients?? huh?!
Sitting there I have potentially scintillating conversations with patients and colleagues and with Myself.

This internship.
Flash in the pan? Life-changing experiance? Remains to be seen.

Broken string

It's been long since I've written something. Long enough for you to think I'm gone.

When I come to think of it...I've been loosing up on many things.

It's been long since I've heard her voice. The one whom I lost to the weirdest realm of life from where no one returns.

It's been long I sat together, holding hands and laughing about the stupidest thing around.

It's been long I told someone how much I love them. Holding each other in the darkest nights, saying goodbyes.

It's been long I've thought about roaming around European cities or coming up with a new one to add up to the list.

It's been long waking up with a bad dream in tears and having someone to hear it out.

Long back when I felt I had everything, almost everything, when faith in someone powerful was much more stronger, when my beliefs weren't tarnished with time, when calling out for a friend meant right across my laptop, when our kitchen was filled with smoke owing to my cooking or burning let's say followed by some great jokes about the same, when any injustice to others prickled me with adrenaline, when I actually read newspapers every damn day...when any fight would dissolve with a shrug and smile....all that over time has unceremoniously died.

Nothing is over.
No one is dead yet.

But life goes on like the puppet with a broken string. No matter what I try.
Every single breath of happiness is followed by days of waiting...waiting for some sad news.

When on confused nights like this, I look at my life, small things look bizarrely large.

It's like staring at a picture until the features blurred & ran together, something familiar turned frightening, something known turned mysterious & changed.....& very far away.

....are you reading my lines??

The Summer Blessing

Not long ago, I was having this conversation with a friend about stuff he got from thailand, which included a controversial 70% dark chocolate as well. Even though he was cribbing for one, he didn't really was crazy o'er them. You know this is a new concept for me...I mean who on earth doesn't like a sweet gourmet, melting in your mouth with a lingering taste...and which is also good for health.


That is one different thing.

My immediate next question was...Do you like mangoes???
I have a very simple ideaology... "If you like mangoes you are a good person"


I don't think I can deal with a person who'll think over that question to reply. It should be an immediate YES.

You know, seriously...again..who wouldn't like mangoes?!

...That is the most amazing fruit God has made.
Starts with the way it looks...beautiful yellow, with such a sweet honest smell...and so soft!....and hell sweet!
If all the vitamins n minerals neccesary were to be found in this fruit....I can eat it forever. Honestly.

I was mango deprived for 6 long years. Not really there were some Mangoes in Kazan imported from Brazil.
I'm sorry, but they sucked.

So here I am in the land of mangoes, sinful mangoes...which doesnt let u and your weighing machine be friends. But hell I dont care.

My love for this particular fruit dates back to my childhood. Summers were colorful with my Grandparents, afternoon sleeps, long evening walks, stories and mangoes! That was when I learnt, in a hard way, when the pulp was spilt on my fav frock, never leaves. Me being crazily in love with this fruit...always flaunted the stain. =)

To end up telling you my love affair with this amazing fruit...I think, the guy whom I end up with...should definitely love Mangoes.

And as for my friend, about whom I was talking earlier, who flatly denied ...saying "I'm a melon boy" (lol)..wat was that?)....
Seriously, How are we even friends?!?!